LGBT

Yes, I believe that even the Queen of Hearts can be reasoned with. It simply requires getting to her head just ever so slightly to understand the murkiness within, and then using that to your advantage. What results? No loss of heads!

In the following tale of woe, intrigue, and mischief, I would like to introduce three characters. Lily – a mixed up blonde homeless – white (trash?). Joe – a well to do black business man, and finally, Mickey – an entertainment mogul – also white, and definitely not trash.

Both Mickey and Joe are married, and take due pity on the sad Lily.

It was a gorgeous summer’s day in a fantastic Beverly Hills manse. Joe was out walking the dog – Charms – a miniature Italian greyhound. Mickey was at home, moving his daily mountains behind his Mac, and watching, as best he could, the pitiful Lily go through her routine of getting ready to leave.

Lily has been a friend of the happy couple for way too long to be healthy. This fine day, she has been the hired help to watch both Charms, and Twisted Face – her pooch, while Joe and Mickey head off to one of their vacation spots. This happened to be on the 4th of July.

As a matter of happenstance, after the cute couple got back from their vacation spot, it was too late to drop the blonde flower back off to the disgusting pit from whence she came. So, they gave in, and let her (little did they know) slobber herself asleep on their new couch.

The next day, they found that Twisted Face had vomited all over newcouch, and that there were ripped up expensive clothes all over the place! Mickey and Joe, from other, more slightly positive, yet questionable experiences with flower fake (less than) power, had trusted her wholeheartedly. Why, oh why, oh why?!

During this morn of horror, they happy couple demanded that stinky Lily shower. Being a very gay couple, they were appalled to find out (after cleaning up the vomit, and distracted with myriad other things) that Lily was leaving the door open, while showering, and simultaneously emitting gasses worse than the sulfurous of sulfurs.

At this point, Joe was sent over the top. He had asked that Mickey get out from behind the computer, and assist him with cleaning up after the disaster. In a rage, Joe had hit Mickey with a rolled up poster. Mind you, it did no damage, but definitely got Mickey’s attention!

While Lily was still smelling, and attempting to clean herself up (just barely), Mickey and Joe had words.
Well, Lily got more scared than the most skittish of kitten cats, and left in a hurry.

After more careful examination of the entire situation on Mickey’s part, he saw that Joe’s rage was mostly from the disgraceful female.

Having known Lily for longer than Joe had, Mickey promptly sent her a letter of severe constructive critique, for her to better herself.

In the end, Lily got the help she deserved, and is now presenting herself better in the same manner ala Eliza Doolittle.

So, my friends, if you have a stinky weed in your family that just won’t quit, use a bit of tact. Hopefully, they will turn around as fast as the sincere Queen of Joe and Mickey!

EXACTLY! A technology company who’s icon is a fruit…. What more do you want? Not only fruity, but half their ads are rainbow! Seen an iPod ad lately?

I bring up, of course, the recent launch of the fabulous iPhone 3G S. With the “S” standing for speed, it definitely lives up to it’s name.

See…. Gay folks not only enjoy technology, but embrace it. I have been holding a mouse ever since I can remember. 1984 was a great year for me.

We gay folks enjoy nice things that work, are clean lined, and as flawless as possible. Few technology companies live up to the same standards as Apple. Let me rephrase that…. No technology company
lives up to the same standards as Apple. Oh, did I mention…. not too many companies, period, live up to the same standards as Apple.

We gay folks love to take pictures. So, thank goodness, the camera is updated with wonderful 3 magpixels, with auto focus, and auto white balance, to make our photos oh so gorgeous. We also love to share
them with every living being on the planet. Coupled with Mobile Me, we can do that instantly. In fact, after we get through shooting for a party, we can upload multiple images to the internet so that all of
our boyfriends, and girlfriends (that is – girls who are friends) can see them on the fly.

And, not only still pictures, but one can take, and edit video with this beaut as well. Want to edit out those horrendous dance moves from your parents? It couldn’t be easier. If you can point and tap,
than you can edit! And, e-mail it when you are finished.

For some of us, we just love to boss our other halves around. Now, if you feel like talking to something that won’t talk back, talk to your iPhone! With voice control, you can tell it what song to play, or who
to call. Oh, I lied. It does talk back, by telling you who it’s calling, or what it’s playing. At least it won’t make bad comments about your performance in bed!

Did you forget what store you purchased that perfect lube at, yet you made a contact for it? Well, if you at least remember the city, or part of the name, you can now search across the iPhone for the info., and it will come up in your search! Was their a coupon for a buy five, get three free (now really, are you having THAT much sex?) that was sent through e-mail? In the same search window, that will pop up also.

Too many drugs last night? Too much to drink? Land on a “friend’s” couch, and need to find your way home? Well, the new compass feature will keep you moving in the right direction! In conjunction with the
map feature, while driving home (or your designated), you will be oriented perfectly.

Well ladies – these are the highlights. May you have been inspired, and will paint the internets with your insane lifestyle!

Prince is our loving son – our miniature Italian greyhound dog. He’s about two years old, and quite often takes center stage in our relationship. Wherever we go, we are thinking of him. And, when possible, we take him everywhere we go. That dog eats better than most starving children in the world. We recently went to the Americana – a gorgeous, luxury outdoor shopping center in Glendale, CA. What do we feed him? Jodi Maroni’s GOURMET hot dogs!

There is a really great doggy bakery out here called Three Dog Bakery. The location in Santa Monica, would you believe, serves ice cream for dogs! Of course, Prince loved it!

Wherever we go, he gets a ton of compliments. As I often say, he love everyone, and everyone loves him!

We spoil him rotten. He can’t go a night without sleeping in-between us on the bed. When he makes a space for himself to sleep, he will scratch, and scratch, and scratch in circles, until he is happy with his “perfect little spot”. Why does he do this? Anyone out there know? Comment, if you do!

I will play tug of war with him, and make a “grrrr” sound while doing so. Whenever we do, he is pretty silent, so, I filled in the natural sound that he might make. Now, when he wants to play, he goes “grrrrr…”. It’s so cute!

He knows two things rather well – “Wanna go bye byes?!” And, “Hungries?”. His ears perk up at attention. It doesn’t matter how much food he has had during the day, what is at the dinner table is always infinitely more fascinating than whatever he has ever had.

I have a piece of rawhide for him in the car. Whenever we travel, it’s the first thing he goes for. He can often be found very comfortable in my lap while driving.

Definitely, more on our pooch as our relationship with him develops!

Caffeine, caffeine, caffeine, caffeine, cccaaafffeeeiinnee!!! For many, this is the only reason why they drink the age old classic. Deep. Dark. Complex. Rich. Earthy. Some words to describe, certainly. You have your “sludge”, your high end gourmet, and everything in between. Coffee culture abounds. Creativity thrives off of the ethereal, dark brown liquid.

Cappuccino? Latte? Blended with ice? Are you a Starbucks person, or a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf person? Rarely are you both.

In tasting coffee, so many out there merely equate it’s surface qualities as being burnt, strong, or weak. One doesn’t often find people treating it like the finest of wines. Often, one wonders if the only folks out there who care about it’s deeper qualities are the manufacturers.

Next time you taste a cup of drip, try not to throw in any creme or sugar. If that is too jarring, decrease the amounts of both over the period of a week to a month.

Why? Would you drink wine with creme and sugar?

During a tasting, try to open your mind a bit. At first, you get the standard coffee taste. Take a few more sips. Are their nuts? Do you taste a fragrance? Perhaps some earth? There is no right or wrong answer.

If you had a house blend today, try one that is dramatically different tomorrow. A coffee of this kind might be a French roast.

Once you are a bit more well seasoned, you may want to purchase several kinds. Some for your everyday brews, and others for your once in a while, or special occasion brews.

In the industry, a preferred method of drinking coffee is the french press, and it’s no wonder. It brings out the most nuance, flavor, and character of the bean.

So, go out there! Get started! Look to this blog for more entries that are devoted to this classic beverage. It could be a particularly wonderful cappuccino, an amazing syrup, or a new, and rare blend that I have discovered. In whatever case, I promise to keep it fresh, exciting, and delicious!

Is your office a complete mess, and could use a magic, organization fairy to come by wave her magic wand, and BLAM, it’s all gorgeous, high end, and svelte?

Perhaps you are using chairs as makeshift storage areas, or worse, temporary shelves?

Maybe you just want a fresh, and new overall design, because you are in the mood?

Fear not! In this hot topic, I discuss the ins, outs, dos and don’ts of good interior design. And, guess what? I make it easy! What’s that you say? You don’t know a silk from a chartreuse, or an Eames chair from an easy-chair? No problem! Take a deep breath! By the time you are through reading, you should walk away with some great tips to help your personal space be your best space.

First, color is of utmost importance. Color can make a room feel lively, dead, boring, or exciting. Don’t worry if you haven’t had color theory. Look to the world around you. If you want natural colors, look at some photography that you love of nature, and steal that color palette. Want something for the kids? See what colors are in their favorite cartoons. Notice how, usually, the colors of the main characters are the brightest, and aren’t used anywhere else in the show? There’s a reason for that. When you walk into a Starbucks, there’s a reason why that green, iconic logo is the only thing of that color in the store.

So, pick three or four colors, and then list them in the order of importance to you.

You’re best bet is to shy away from clashing color palettes. How would that scary vampire movie look with bright blues and flashy neons used in the production design? Immediately, you would get a mood change.

If there’s a particular time period in history that you enjoy, find some artwork, or photographs from then, and develop a palette that way. I would, again, find work that focus’s around a particular theme, because, artistically, the design of that theme should be well thought out, in terms of it’s message. And, usually, the more popular the message, the better the design, because it has stood the test of time.

Once you have decided on a winning color palette, it’s then time to choose some more of the formal elements. You can always start by going through your favorite interior design store catalog, and see what those designers have done. Ah! You see a gorgeous space that mixes neo-classical elements with arts and crafts? Or, 1950s retro with Victorian, and it all works? Why? Usually, it’s because color is tying things together.

So, go nuts! Look at several different kinds of chairs, beds, tables, lamps, paint colors, etc… If you have the money, try Macys, Armani Casa, and the like. If you have perhaps lesser means, than explore places such as *IKEA. And, in any case, go to garage sales of all kinds! Make the process fun! By the way, art, in and of itself, is difficult enough as it is. If you don’t make it fun, it can overwhelm you. Sometimes, don’t think. Just do! Go with your gut, because it is usually right!

Use your camera. Go to places and take pictures of different items from several angles. Then, group the pictures into an array on your table, and see if that faded purple lamp actually does go well with that spotted brown couch.

Inspiration can come from many different places! I find it driving down the street, going to theme parks, walking my dog, the beach, etc… And, let me tell you – brilliant ideas that have changed my life have come to me while I was in the shower. It’s crazy, but it works.

So, now you have purchased a bunch of gems, and you have no idea what to do with it all you say? Think of your room in terms of a grid that makes sense. Remember the cartoon? Put whatever you feel is your most prominent piece in the center of the room, or somewhere where you want it to be seen. Ideally, this is also your first color. Try and create a sense of drama. Maybe your bathroom towels match your kitchen rug. That’s totally cool. The more you can extend out your color space into the whole house, the more it will feel like a solid design approach.

At this point, I would certainly choose one color to tie the place together with. Whatever it is, dot it throughout. A pillow. A table runner. A lamp. A lightbulb. This could be your secondary color.

Your third and fourth colors could be plants, candles, rocks, etc.. Your finishers.

Try and place these kinds of items in the center of your tables.

Another helpful hint. Please, please, please, make this your own. Take my advice, and turn it on it’s head. Add to it. Embellish it. I am here to merely provide a solid base and grounding.

Hopefully, when you’ve finished, you will have a gorgeous space fit for the likes of the highest end!

*IKEA is a one stop shop. Period. Everything you could ever imagine that is available for a home is there, from ceiling to floor. It all works together, to a degree, and the place is a ton of fun. Granted, it may not be the highest end stuff on the planet, but, it fulfills nearly every conceivable design need, plus, plus, plus.